The Two Pillars

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Ephesians 5: 21, 33b

What are the two pillars?

The Bible identifies two major components of a marriage—love and honor (or reverence). I like to call these to the pillars on which every strong marriage rests. While both husband and wife needs love and honor, it’s worth noting that God’s Word emphasizes a particular pillar for each.

God commands husbands to love their wife and for the wives to honor their husband. Men and women have differing psychosocial needs. It is critical that a man meet his wife’s emotional need to feel loved while it is essential that a woman meets her husband’s need to feel respected.

Why are they important?

The God who made us knows the deepest aspects of our life. He understands our spiritual and mental needs better than we ever could. It goes without saying that feeling respected is extremely important for most guys.

And most women will freely tell you that having their emotional needs met is extremely high in their list of priorities.

How do we use them?

These pillars must be visible in every part of marriage. We should strive to keep them at the core of our communication with our spouse, our sex life, and even in times of conflict. Think about it: it’s hard to insult your spouse when you’re honoring him. You can disagree but it will be respectful.

It’s impossible to disrespect your wife, or be unfaithful, when you’re focusing on showing her how much you care.

Again, both men and women need love and honor but the Bible correctly emphasizes that men must show that love to their spouse while women are instructed to show honor to their mate.

Take action:

Ask your spouse the following questions. Let your conversation flow naturally. Commit to listening, even if you hear things you don’t like.

Love:

“Do you feel that I love you?”

“How do I make you feel loved?”

“What can I do to make you feel more loved?”

Honor:

“Do you feel that I honor you?”

“How do I make you feel honored?”

“What can I do to make you feel more honored?”