Win her mind

A fulfilling sex life doesn’t begin in the bedroom. It begins in the mind. More specifically, in her mind. To make sex the passionate, unifying experience that God intends it to be, a man will have to be proactive in creating a climate that fosters trust, openness, and love on the part of his wife.

This post outlines 5 steps that every husband should take to achieve just that.

Show her that she’s valued.

This might seem like a real tangent but, for a woman, feeling important to her man really impacts her own self-esteem. Self-esteem translates to her confidence in bed, which ultimately determines how often she wants to have sex.

Steps to take:

1. Guys, give her your attention when she’s speaking. Turn off the cell phone, and ask questions that show you’re paying attention.
   
2. Praise her for the things she does right, while wrapping criticism in a blanket of appreciation. She’s not perfect and she knows that. So let her know how perfect she is for you by telling her just that, and showing her appreciation for the things she does everyday.
3. Use affirming words before, during, and after sex. Don’t just tell her she looks “pretty.” Show her that she “wows!” you.

Be a man she can respect

A woman is more likely to desire a man she can respect. After all, in most species, the female is hardwired to be selective in choosing a mate. While she may have agreed to be your wife, the decision whether or not mate with you is still an intrinsic part of her nature and isn’t something you should take for granted.

As you work to earn, or keep, her respect, you can expect to see an increase in her openness to sex.

Steps to take:

1. Help out around the house—including doing the dishes
2. Be there for the kids. Be a role model for them—a leader and problem solver.
3. Get off the couch and get in shape. Minimize the game time.
4. Show her the same level of respect that you want her to show to you.
5. Learn new things. Read or be open to gaining new knowledge.

Look & smell like a god

Would you want to have sex with a bear after hibernation? No? I didn’t think so!

I’m pretty sure you get my point.

But, not only does a guy who dresses well/smells good trigger her primal instincts, he also climbs up a couple rungs on her “respect ladder.”

You’re sending the non-verbal message that she’s important enough to you to put some extra effort into your appearance. You don’t need to wear a tux each day, but remember that dating didn’t end when you put a ring on her finger.

It continues until your last breath.

Steps to take:

1. Shower and shave regularly (including the infamous lower lip!)
2. Invest in some cologne & clothes she likes.
3. Work out .

Make sure she orgasms first

Imagine it’s dinnertime, you’re starving and she sits down to eat. Only one problem—she’s got a plate full but … there’s no food for you.

If this became a habit, you’d probably become disinterested in dinner. Or find some other way to satisfy your hunger. Do you see where I’m going here?

For her to enjoy sex, make sure that sex is enjoyable on a regular basis. See our post on What every guy needs to know for ways to make that happen.

Steps to take:

1. Have an open conversation about how she feels about your sex life. Encourage her to never “fake it” but to be transparent. Note: if it’s hard to hold off until she climaxes, positions that put her on top might be worth a try.
   
2. Find out what she enjoys and try new ways to pleasure her but don’t go too far beyond each other’s comfort zone.
   
3. Vary things up so you’re not predictable in the bedroom unless that is what you both want.

Invest in your marriage

Great sex is the result of a great marriage and great sex can help build a great marriage. The two are inextricably intertwined. Show her you value all parts of your marriage—not just the sex. When you consistently work on your communication, conflict resolution and spiritual lives, you’re simultaneously investing in your sex life.

Steps to take:

1. Pray & read the Bible together
2. Be the spiritual leader of your home
3. Attend marriage retreats, read up on marriage articles (just like this one!) and participate in church events for couples.

Your sex life is priceless, just like your marriage. It can only show its true potential as both of you invest in it. Take these steps to become a better you!

Feedback prompts: Ladies, out of the five thoughts above, what’s the MOST important way a husband can win a woman’s mind and get her more open to sex?

Have questions? Comment below or message us!