Men & Sex—why it matters

Most guys I talk to would agree that sex ranks really high on their needs list. They will also agree that infrequent sex can be a real hurdle in marriage. If your husband wants sex every (other) night, I’ve got good news. Despite how things may seem—he’s not a sex maniac!

So why is sex so important for men?

I tell couples, “You can’t have a happy marriage without a happy sex life, while a happy sex life will help you have a happy marriage.” Sex is not the only factor in a happy marriage—but it definitely is a big one. Whatever you put into creating a healthy, happy sex life, will carry over into the other areas of your marriage, including romance, respect, and mutual trust.

The truth is that, generally speaking, men need sex. It’s not a want—it’s a need. Without a regular sex outlet, we get cranky, make poor decisions, and can even suffer from a loss of self-confidence.

This may sound stereotypical, and I will admit that there are guys out there that might feel differently. But, for men in general, everything a woman needs to know about guys and sex can be summed up in four words: sex is a need.

Women in marriage, or those who are soon-to-be married, should keep this in mind. While this may be changing, for most women, romance still ranks higher than sex on their needs list.

But for us guys, it’s the opposite.

At different stages in life, we may feel the need for sex more keenly then at others, but sex will always remain a key part of our lives.

So ladies, if he tells you that he wants it more frequently, understand that there are biological factors at work here that he can’t control. Also keep in mind that he’s being bombarded by sexual images and women in skin-tight clothing (i.e. leggings/yoga pants) everywhere he turns. The inundation of sexuality in our society makes it difficult for a man not to act on his biological hard-wiring.

So ladies, be understanding if he vocalizes a need for more sex. Together, work out a compromise that will allow you both to feel fulfilled.

Guys, there are ways to make her want more sex. More on that in my next post: Women & Sex—understanding her mind.

6 thoughts on “Men & Sex—why it matters

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  1. Nice read but my opinion is… If a man waited for sex and had self control over all the temptations for over 15-20 years of his adult like, he can for sure control his need.
    It’s not for ladies to always be when the husband needs sex…it’s for understanding and loving open mindedly your spouse. Sex like communication must be clear for both couples..

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    1. Hi Shakeane, thanks for your comment!
      At FM we encourage couples to let their sex lives and marriages be governed by the Bible. 1 Cor. 7:5 tells BOTH husband and wife to not “defraud” each other—in other words, they always be ready to meet the physical needs of their spouse.

      This article focused more on the man’s need for sex—as we see this issue come up more on the part of men than women—but we do have an article coming out shortly for husbands that will bring more attention to what they need to do for their wife.

      If I understand your viewpoint correctly, it seems that you believe a woman should only have sex if she’s willing. While we definitely believe a husband should be patient/understanding and work to get his wife “in the mood,” a Scriptural view of marriage doesn’t put the terms for sex in either person’s hands.

      Sometimes a healthy sex life, just like love and marriage in general, require us to go beyond what WE want and to think about the needs of the other person. To do otherwise can cause a lot of frustration for husbands and, ultimately, set the stage for a lot of conflict.

      Check out our audio recording from our 2019 retreat on sex and intimacy: https://fearlessmarriage.net/2020/02/14/seduce-your-spouse-audio/ for more information on this.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I hope this makes sense.

      -Lois

      Like

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